Losing My Memory

Ohhhhh, I have always prided myself on being the bigshot brainiac, able to remember the names of every single one of my students within the first 10 minutes of a class and to recall the names forever thereafter. Didn’t matter if I had 20 students or 150 at a time, there was nary a glitch. Even this current quarter, I had the names down pat as usual on day one. But then something happened. I noticed that I starting mixing up names, like Andrea and Angela or Christina and Cynthia. And then, the other day, I saw in the parking lot a young woman from last term, and although I could picture the former classroom and even where she sat, I could not pull her name out of the dark recesses of my mind to save my ass. Still don’t have it. What the fuck? Add to that the curious Wal Mart incident, and Houston, we have a fricking problem.

I went to Wally World last weekend, and it was late because I worked to finish my online class grades until about 2:00 (yes, A.M.), but I stood there in aisle after aisle after aisle just staring at all the pretty colors. I could not work up the gumption to actually select things and place them in my buggy. I didn't even slog up to the check-out with my SIX items until 3:30. I’m not the sharpest scalpel on the tray , but I’m pretty sure it is a felony to hang out in WM that long.

I just want to know what the hell is wrong with me!? Damn this pre-menopause bullshit if that’s what it is. That crap is already responsible for my thinning hair and ashy skin, and later I’m going to meet it out back with a big, ol’ piece of firewood, and let’s see if we can’t hear us some hormones.

What’s disturbing is that I frequently can’t remember what I was going to say right in mid-sentence, and I’ve spun around in the kitchen so many times trying to remember what the hell I went in there for that there’s a hole in the linoleum. I know I’m not the only one who’s lost her car in the parking lot or left her children at the store and made it all the way home and then, even after she realized she’d left them, had dinner and a nap just because it was so peaceful for a change. What? No. Me either. I’ve never done that last one either. But my point is that most people have “senior moments” from time to time. Mine are just becoming so regular that I deserve a discount at the movies. Like that trip to Wal Mart the other morning. I had on my list to get Tums ® because I’ve been experiencing some acid reflux lately. Probably brought on by hormone fluctuations. (Bitches.) Not only did I forget the Tums ®, but I forgot the freaking list. I should’ve just picked up some Milk of Amnesia. For those times when you can’t remember shit.