So I’m in the drive-thru line at Mickey D’s tonight because I had a little extra time for a nutritious meal, and everybody knows McDonald’s is synonymous with healthy, when this ghettomobile in front of me will. Not. Move. Does this driver not realize fast food is called fast food for a fricking reason? I notice that the vehicle’s rear window, which was probably shot out after the robbery, has been replaced by a warped web of packing tape, which looks simultaneously bulgy and crispy. Been there a while.
Anyway, at the exit from the parking lot into traffic, the car just sits there and sits there becoming one with the asphalt even though there is nary an auto for five thousand zillion miles. WTF? Then! A shard of lone straw wrapper flits out of the driver’s window, immediately followed by its remainder. Oh, I get it! The nimrod behind the wheel needs half a fucking hour to figure out how to unsheathe the straw, insert said instrument in his drink, and then determine what to do, what to do with all that refuse. Lord knows the waste paper would be sorely out of place inside the car, and I can totally understand why the driver could not possibly dirty up his surroundings. As if there isn’t a pile of assorted shit behind the driver’s seat that’s been there since the Reagan years. Hell, there is probably an undiscovered Schwarzenegger child in there somewhere.
My point is that I will never comprehend why litterfuckingbugs litter. How freaking hard is it to lay aside your wrappers and sacks and cellophane and Styrofoam ® until you get home where you can toss it all on the bathroom floor with the other debris? Throwing trash anywhere other than in a garbage can is such a lazy, reprehensible, disrespectful act. McDonald’s places trash receptacles all over their parking lots and drive-thru lanes to give the slovenly the least restrictive opportunity to discard their crap. Still, no. The scum of the earth continue to give the finger to society. I say that offenders who get caught, even if it’s just by me, should not only have to pay a hefty fine (to me), but should have to spend at least 52 weekends retrieving rubbish from interstate medians and shoulders. In the heat of the day. At rush hour. With bare hands and no little stabber on the end of a pole either, you sorryass cheaters!! If you can’t do the time, don’t do the griiiiiiiiiiiime.
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