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| I am Willow, and I am wearing a mop on my head. I am weeping all the way to the bank. |
Years ago, I ditched my old mop for a Swiffer ®, and I’ve always wondered what happened to it. I thought maybe it hooked up with that rake I swear I used to own. But yesterday, I found that scary-assed mop. Willow Smith, the young spawn of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith, has it on her head. Either that girl has been letting Amanda Bynes do her hair, or she’s wearing my fucking mop. Why she’s wearing my mop, I don’t know. What I do know is that her parents must be so busy licking their wounds over their recent failures, After Earth and HawthoRNe, that they are oblivious to the horror show going on in their midst.
Willow just released her new song, “Summer
Fling,” which is getting all kinds of play because of the adult-themed lyrics
and a just-plain-wrong video. In the vid, Willow hangs with a group of clearly
older freaks…I mean teens, especially her “boyfriend,” a cradle-robber at whom
she shoots never-ending sultry and suggestive looks. They fiddle with each
other’s hands, and cuddle under the trees, and he scoops her up like a young
bride, and they cavort and shit while she sings, “…we got tonight, oh, baby...”
and “…it’s just a couple of months, but we do it anyway.” What the?!
Yeah. She’s TWELVE.
The last video this scuzzy was
shown as evidence in the R. Kelly trial. What the fucking fuck are her parents
thinking? If I found my 12-year-old daughter dancing around in some barely
disguised kiddie muck like this, I’d slap her ass into last Tuesday, and
whoever produced that crap would never be able to find his severed penis again.
Somebody needs to slow that ride down before Willow finds herself featured on Teen Mom 4. I don’t want to see my mop
humiliated like that.
