@#! Daylight-Saving Time!

All right. All right. All right. I am HAPPY that I have an extra hour tonight. I admit it. Moving the hour hand back one rotation on my wall clocks feels as if I’ve somehow created time, and that warms the cockles of my heart. Plus, it was très cool watching my computer's clock go from 1:59:59 to 1:00:00. It felt all sci-fi. And I’m going to make it to bed at THREE tonight instead of FOUR. Yay. But, God, I hate Daylight Saving Time. Or Daylight-Saving Time if you give a shit about proper grammar, which God knows I do.

An insect-enthusiast from New Zealand came up with the original idea for DST because he wanted more daylight hours in which to hunt bugs. That right there says a lot about why we should stop this fucking insane practice this instant. Who listens to a guy who collects bugs? Who? And what kind of nutsack collects bugs in the first place? Listen. I’ve got lots of ‘em you can have for free here at my house, and you won’t even have to look hard.

Now, if the bugman isn’t enough evidence for the suckiness of DST, consider that the GERMANS in WWI were the first to implement the idea of saving daylight. They may not have been Nazis yet, but I just know that some Commie came up with the twisted idea of manipulating time. I get it that in the early part of the 20^th century, if folks conducted business when the sun was still shining, it equaled less coal consumption, which saved money during the war. But there has never been a study yet that showed any actual benefit to the rates of energy consumption in modern times.

Okay. Any business that requires light in the evening will, of course, favor DST. So sports fanatics can get their rocks off for longer with DST. BFD. And convenience stores benefit because more people are out at night, and those folks always need $4-a-gallon milk and a six pack. But sports are stupid and convenience stores are why armed robbery was invented. So fuck both of those. There is simply no good reason anymore for this DST bullshit. Dairy farmers hate it because their cow teats can’t rev up an hour early or late on demand. And you just don’t mess with cold cow titties. And I hate it because it’s exhausting.

Don’t you people in charge know how many damned clocks I have to reset? And do you know it’s next to impossible to figure out how to reset the dash clock in all cars? And I’m smart. Don’t even get me started on trying to reset my daughter’s electronic wristwatch. The freaking manual is written in, like, Farsi or some shit, and it says crap like, “Press one of button twice times while hold left key firmly.” What the fuck? It takes an hour just to figure that stupid thing out, and there goes the goddamned savings.