Why I Love Donald Trump

Illustration by Bloggurl!

Oh, The Donald. You know, he isn’t a total dickbag when he’s talking about business. I mean, Greta Van Susteren interviewed him recently, and he mumbled a couple of sentences that had some merit. But, turn the subject to women, and holy horsenuts! The crap that falls out of his mouth could fertilize the fricking state of Georgia for an entire growing season.

As you may be aware, Trump runs the Miss Universe Organization, which is just absolutely not surprising in any way. There can be no better match than The Donald and an organization whose sole purpose is to “promote” women in bikinis and high-heels. Exhibit A: ANY of his wives, present or past. For the following inequality, let’s call the combined total of Trump’s wives’ I.Q.’s  “x.” And, ∞ means “infinity” for the less-mathematically inclined reader. So…

(x)∞ < 0

Just the fact that any of these boobfarms married Trump is proof enough of actually idiocy, I know. But I’ve done the math, and the math doesn’t lie.

But I digress. The refuse that comes out of the wrong end of Trump’s alimentary system. That’s what I was talking about.

So the other day when Miss Something-or-other stomped her stiletto in anger, turned in her tiara, and probably promptly ate a bacon-cheeseburger because she claimed that the Miss Universe pageant was rigged, well, The Donald just went all Heat Miser. He, of course, immediately threatened to sue because God knows he and/or the Miss Universe Organization clearly need the money.

But that yada-yada-yada isn’t the important part. What Trump added to his litigation teaser truly peels back all the layers of his being and exposes to the universe the true nature of his views on women: “I think her primary issue is that she lost, and she’s angry about losing. And frankly, in my opinion, I saw her barely a second, and she didn’t deserve to be in the top 15.”

Amazing that he can scan a woman and pronounce her undeserving in under a second. It’s just so petty that he had to add that snark about the woman’s appearance. It’s so sour grapes: She wasn’t that pretty anyway. What adult male does that in the national news? I get that he’s defending the integrity of an organization to which his name is attached. But considering that the whole shebang is all about freaking appearance, shouldn’t he be more concerned about his own?

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/06/06/miss-pennsylvania-resigns-claims-pageant-rigged/?intcmp=obnetwork#ixzz1xGZC6Fno