 |
| A Fashion-Don't-EVER. |
Dooky-brown, polyester knit
trousers. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww. No one—NO ONE— looks good in these, and I can’t for
the life of me figure why anyone “designed” these ugly fuckers.
Come on! Who would buy these
pants and think, “Yeah! These will look great with my white tennis shoes
and short-sleeved, plaid shirt that has absolutely no brown in it and an
off-white cardigan?” Who? Ohhh. Yeah. I know who. Male community college
teachers. You know. The ones with so much dandruff that you just think the
cardigan is off-white? Jesus. How can those bastards not see all the
half-dollar-sized flakes of old, crackly skin that adhere to their
liver-spotted scalps and three spindly grey hairs like extra-giant-head-lice
snow sleds? Do they not realize the wife quit buying corn flakes years ago? Do
they not have a clue that they walk around scenting the world with their
essence of funeral home? And what about that pasty white shit in the corners of
their mouths that wiggles and snaps when they speak? How can they miss that
when they glue in the dentures each morning? Rinse, for God's sake!
I have just discovered a
wonderful way to lose lots of weight. It’s even better than NutriSystem ®. I am
going to picture that fellow who brushed by me this morning on the way to his
classroom. I will see the stark contrast of the white sneakers below the
too-short brown slacks. I will imagine the aroma of death and antiques. I will
conjure the image of great chips of dead skin floating toward me. And I will
never be able to eat again.
"And what about that pasty white shit in the corners of their mouths that wiggles and snaps when they speak?"
ReplyDeleteI just threw up a bit in my mouth.