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| Oh. I see how it is. So you CAN compare apples and oranges after all. |
What have we got to do to get
things a little evened-out, here? Now, I staunchly believe in competition, so
let’s make no mistake about that. Competition keeps shit healthy, keeps prices
down, keeps folks on their toes because they will lose if they snooze. (Shit. I
think I might suddenly be onto why I’m such a fucking loser. Damn.) But
competition works best when I win, bitches. That’s rule #1. (All other rules?
See rule 1.) What bugs me about competition is that there is often NOT a level
playing field, and that little circumstance needs some freaking tweaking.
Take for example the recent news
report about this middle-aged dude whose wife was terminally ill and set up in
one of those living-room-with-a-hospital-bed-for-a-centerpiece scenarios. The
sick woman’s two older sisters apparently pissed him off because they fed her
some applesauce instead of the orange. That. He. Had. Peeled. For. Her.
So he shot everyone dead, including himself…but…wait for it…left his terminally ill wife to go ahead and die her agonizingly slow and painful death without any family left to take care of her at all. Way to go, superfuck! Way to go!
And in that same news report, I saw
the horrifible story about this yard guy who slipped and fell head-first into
one of those industrial-sized wood chippers. Holy mother. That guy wasn’t
molesting toddlers or soliciting hookers or going on a bender that left his
family destitute. Nooo. He was just cutting back some fucking branches. Why
couldn’t it have been that sumbitch who killed his wife’s family over a
goddamned orange? He belongs in the
wood chipper, for God’s sake. That would have been nice and balanced.
And yesterday, a Texas mother, and
by mother I mean motherfucker here, was sentenced to 45 years in prison for
kneeling on her 6-year-old son until he suffocated. She said she was really
sorry and that he didn’t deserve what she did. Really? She came to that
conclusion a little too late. For her? The fucking wood chipper. That would be
balanced.
Oh, and don’t even get me started
on Joran-I-suck-Satan’s-dick-van-Der-Sloot, who killed a girl in Peru on the exact
anniversary of Natalie Holloway’s death, and then blamed it on the “extreme
psychological trauma” he has suffered by being accused of killing Natalie.
Awwwww. Poor him. Fucking wood chipper. And for proper balance, he should go in
penis-first.
One of the worst lacks of balance
belongs to this story: This woman whom I can’t even call fucking stupid because
it would be an insult to stupid, got pissed off for some ridiculous reason about
which no one even cares anymore, so she posted on FaceBook a couple of doctored
pictures of a seven-year-old girl who was dying of the same terminal illness
that killed the little girl’s mother. The pictures showed the girl’s mother in
the Grim Reaper’s arms, and the little girl’s face over a skull-and-crossbones.
Classssss-say. And the bat-shit crazy bitch, who’s still awaiting a trial for
trying to run over one of her other neighbors, got a whole 18 months in prison
for harassment. What the?? FUCKING WOOD CHIPPER, GODDAMMIT. Wood chipper.
I just don’t understand a world in
which people who are cruel to dying children get wrist-slapped, and people
named Kardashian get obscenely, filthy rich. For NOTHING. The only way to level
this shit up is the wood chipper. And that Kim bitch should go first.*
*No actual Kardashians were harmed in the making of this blog. Dammit.
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